Naruto like never before
by Thelittlebrother
Summary: The title explains it all. I don't own Naruto, so everybody knows now. As you have probably noticed everybody is OOC. Also I decided to change the title to put all the seasons into one story.
1. Episode 1: Odd Reunion

"I'm bored." said Naruto as he just laid on his bed

"**Well find something to do!" **said Kyuubi

"Your right, now that I actually think about it I did get back from my two and a half year training with the pervy sage yesterday."

"**So..."**

"I'm going to see what everybody has been doing starting with Sakura!" said Naruto as he head to her house

"Knock Knock"

"Who is it?" said Sakura

"Naruto!"

"Hey Naruto!" said Sakura as she gave Naruto a hug and welcomed him in

"..." said Naruto in silence

"What?" said Sakura in confusion

"Why is Sasuke in your living room." said Naruto

"Well he came back yesterday and decided to crash here."

"I though he was gone for good with Orochimaru?" said Naruto as he was also confused

"Yeah, but then he decided that Orochimaru was a little fag and came back."

"Home run!" said Sasuke

"What are you watching?" Naruto as he sat on the couch

"Baseball." said Sasuke as he was just paying attention to the game

"Who's winning?" said Naruto

"Konoha." said Sasuke

"Cool." said Naruto as he was now into the game

"You guys want anything?" said Sakura

"Just some sake and ramen." said Naruto

"I don't have any sake." said Sakura

"Damn, even though Orochimaru was a fag he had sake." said Sasuke

"Fine I'll get my parents sake." said a now angered Sakura

1 hour later

"Damn man these fucks lost the game." said Sasuke as he was drunk of his ass

"You guys ok?" said Sakura

"Yeah bitch we're fine, right Nar... Nar." said Sasuke as he fell asleep on the couch

"Oh boy, I hope mom doesn't see this." said Sakura

"Where the hell am I?" said a confused Naruto

"You're at my house." said Sakura

"I... need to... uh oh." said a naucious Naruto

"What!" said Sakura

"Bleeargh!"

"Damn it!" said Sakura as Naruto threw up on her floor

"Where's Hinata?" said Naruto

"Why do you want to know?" said Sakura

"I need to see her." said Naruto

"Well I can't let you leave until your sober." said Sakura

"Fine, I'll just go to bed." said Naruto as he fell asleep

"Oh just leave me to clean up the fuck'n puke!" said Sakura

the next morning

"I'm of to see Hinata." said Naruto

"Whatever." said Sakura as Naruto left for Hinata's house

"Knock Knock"

"Yes... Oh it's you Naruto" said a tired Neji

"I need to see Hinata!" said Naruto

"Listen Naruto it's 7 in the fuck'n morning she's still asleep."

"That's cool." said Naruto as he just entered their house

"Where are you going?" said Neji

"To her room."

"(Can he just do that?)" wondered Neji

"(She's gorgeous.)" thought Naruto as he saw her sleeping

"Hn." said Hinata as she was waking up

"Wow Sasuke was right. You are pretty." said Naruto as he looked at a long haired matured Hinata (pretty much she grew some clevage and her hair grew.)

"Naruto is that you?" said Hinata as she wiped her eyes and looked

**Well that's the end to episode 1. Trust me this thing is going to get pretty intresting so R&R**

Next episode: Love unite


	2. Episode 2: News Crisis

**Here is episode 2 of Naruto. Just in case, I don't own Naruto and everyone is in their part 2 clothes**

"Naruto, why are you in my room." said Hinata

"Well I just wanted to see how you looked and, I'm a little drunk." said Naruto as he passed out on the floor

"Naruto." said Hinata as she picked him up and put him on the couch

"Wow he looks like a mess." said Tenten

"I know but, how did he get some sake?" wondered Neji

"You guys have any sugar?" said Shikamaru as he entered the house

"Shikamaru, What the fuck have I told you about randomly entering the house." said Neji as he had steam coming from his head

"Oh right, sorry about that."

"Dammit I'm heading to work." said Neji as he went out the door

"At least I still have the News." said Neji

"Hey Neji! Would you believe they gave me a job here." said Naruto

"God dammit what position could they possibly have given you." said Neji

"Sports."

"Alright let's get this started." said Neji as he had an anime sigh

(News music plays)

"And now it's time for the 8o'clock news, with head anchorman Hatake Kakashi, co-anchor Hyuga Neji, sports with Uzamaki Naruto, entertainment with Yamanaka Ino, and the weather with Garra, now here's your news team." said the announcer

"Thank you. Leading of the news for today Sasuke has come back from his days with Orochimaru! That's right ladies Sasuke's back." said Kakashi

"In other news Kiba was arrested for assault after he attacked Choji. Apparently he called him fat and Choji called him a "dog humping bastard." said Neji

"Choji called Kiba a dog humping bastard? What the fuck?" said Naruto

"Now we go to Naruto for sports." said Kakashi

"Yeah our baseball team sucks balls as they blew a five point lead to lose to the sand lions." said a pissed Naruto

"I hear we have a special guest here, Shikamaru come on in." said Neji

"Hey wassup." said Shikamaru in his normal voice

"So why are here fucker." said Ino

"Listen hoe just because I chose Temari over you doesn't give you the right to call me a fucker."

"Listen people you better cut the swearing before the FCC gets us." said Garra

"We have no FCC dumbass!" said Naruto

"Guys come on." said Kakashi

"I'm gonna kill you." said Garra to Naruto

"Get the fuck of my lawn!" said Naruto like an old man

"You have no lawn." said Garra

"Fire!" said Shikamaru as he set Ino on fire

"Holy Shit!" said Neji

"Uh, that's the news later." said Kakashi as the news cut off

"Wow, that was crazy." said Naruto with a couple bandages on his head in the boss' office

"That is the worst news broadcasting I've ever seen." said Anko

"Oh come on you know the ratings went up." said Naruto

"Oh yeah, except for the fact that it went from the news to celebrity death match!" Yelled Anko

"I'm a celebrity now?" said Naruto

"After a performance like that your a celebrity alright." said Kakashi

"Shikamaru what in your right mind possessed you to burn Ino." said Anko as she looked like she was about to pop a blood vassal

"She started it." said Shikamaru as he had some burn marks on his hands

"All of you get out!"

"Wow we really pissed her off." said Naruto

"We? Me and Kakashi didn't do anything!" said Neji

"Well I think I'm going home now, at least I still have a girlfriend who loves me." said Shikamaru

"Later." said Neji

"I'm heading home with you." said Naruto to Neji

"Why?"

"Because I'm hungry and I have nowhere to go."

"Whatever."

"Hey Neji, I heard what happened." said Tenten

"Oh don't worry about it. Things should be better soon." said Neji as he kissed Tenten's cheek

"Hey everybody!" said Naruto as he entered the house

"Jesus kid what happened to you?!" said Hiashi

"I got into a fight with Garra, and I just remembered that he stabbed me." said Naruto like it was nothing

"You got stabbed by Garra, and you say nothing!" said Neji in anger

"I forgot okay."

"Alright kid time for a trip to the hospital." said Hiashi

"Man!"

"So you got stabbed huh." said Tsunade

"Yep."

"Well for your luck I live close to the Hyugas ." said Tsunade as she started to heal him

"Yeah that helped a lot." said Naruto as he had an anime sweatdrop

"You know after something like this the paparazzi are going to be all over you." said Shizune

"Don't worry. I'll take care of them." said Naruto in an evil voice

To be continued...

**Well that's episode 2, and stay tuned for the exciting conclusion to this in the next episode of "Naruto like never before" **


	3. Episode 3: Paparazzi attack!

**Well folks here is the conclusion to episode 2, and remember to R&R**

"Damn paparazzi!" said Naruto as he barely got in his house

"Naruto come on!" said an angry camera man

"Just fucking let us take a picture!" said another one

"All right I will." said Naruto as he pulled out a kunai

"Oh fuck!" said a camera man as Naruto stabbed him to death

"Anybody else!"

"Run!" said the Paparazzi

"Oh guys... let's keep this to ourselves." said Naruto

"Yes sir!"

"Wow, I can't believe you actually convinced them." said Shikamaru

"Dammit Shikamaru why are you here." said Naruto

"Because Temari went to the mall and I have nothing to do."

"Well I heard there's a party wanna go?"

"Sure I guess." said Shikamaru as they headed out the house

"Naruto, Naruto, Shikamaru what made you burn Ino?" asked the camera people as they were taking pictures

"Back the fuck up guys." said Naruto

"You shut the fuck up!" said a fat camera woman

"You want me to eat your children I know you got some fatty!" said Naruto

"You Son of a bitch!" said the lady as she attempted to attack Naruto

"Hey fatty, can't touch me!" said Naruto

"Hey Naruto how does it feel to know every one thinks your gay!" said an interviewer

"You ass! I have a girlfriend and her name is Hinata Hyuga!... Did I just say that?"

At the Hyuga manor

"You told them I was your girlfriend!" said Hinata as she started to strangle Naruto

"That party was awesome." said Shikamaru

"Go home Shikamaru." said Neji

"But Temari is going to nag about her shoping spree!" said Shikamaru

"That's okay I have an alternative option." said Hiashi

"Augh!" said Shikamaru as Hiashi threw him out

"Naruto your under arrest for murder!" said an anbu member

"Dammit!" said Naruto

After many days of trail

"I have just been through a dramatic trial and now I must tell everybody on konaha, I'm a dope addict. When I killed that camera man I was high on herroin so now I'm going to serve 200 hours of community service, 2 months house arrest, and rehab plus I apologize to anyone I hurt." said Naruto

"He murders a person and just has to do that wtf!" said Sasuke as he watched it on tv

"He really thinks he can get away with the money he owes me. Now I can find him and get that money he owes me." said a small person with white hair and green eyes

**That ends episode 3. You won't believe who joins the cast on episode 4 but, it's a surprise so just remember to R&R and soon I'll update for episode 4**


	4. Episode 4: A Really Odd Episode

Sorry about not updating in such a long time, I had some computer problems. But now I'm back and here is episode four of N.L.N.B (The title of the story)

"We're now in Konoha Mr. Hitsugaya" said a security guard

"Thank you."

"Oh my god it's Hitsugaya from the soap opera "Dude why did you kick my Dog!" said a random fangirl

"Yes now if you don't mind I'm trying to get to my house." Said Hitsugaya as he walked off

"Your in for a bit of a surprise then." Said the Girl

"What the hell?!" said Hitsugaya as all around his house there were bodies and liquor

"Oh hey dude you j-just missed a k-k-killer party." Said a drunk Naruto

"What the hell did you do to my house!" said Hitsugaya

"What did we do to your house? None of your goddamn beeswax." Said Sasuke

"Well I actually don't need to ask I see what you did." Said Hitsugaya

"I'm not a virgin!" said Neji

"Sure let the whole world know." Said Tenten

"I don't want to know." Said Hitsugaya

"Oh why didn't anybody tell me about this party?" said Lee

"Because everybody thinks your weird." Said Garra

"You want to go bitch nigg." Said Lee before he was interrupted

"Don't even think about it." Said Garra as he said something before Lee said you know what

Several hours later

"Well Neji how does it feel knowing you have inducted Tenten into woman hood." Said Naruto

"Shut up can't you see I have a hangover." Said Neji

"Yeah probably from spanking it so hard, ha! That was a sweet one." Said Sasuke

"Should I tell him?" said Hinata

"Sure why not he would find out eventually." Said Tenten

"Hey Neji." Said Hinata

"Yeah." Said Neji

"Tenten wasn't a virgin when you guys did it last night." Said Hinata

"What?" said Neji

"She said Tenten wasn't a virgin when you did her last night!" said Hitsugaya

"When did you get here?" Said Sasuke

"How many times do I have to tell you I live here!"

"I can't believe this." Said Neji

"She does look like the slutty type." Said Naruto 

"What did you say!" said Neji as he pulled out a Kunai

"It's the truth dude." Said Hitsugaya

"How do you know?" said Neji

"Because I made out with her last night."

"You bastard!" said Neji as he grabbed Hitsugaya and punched him in the face

"Ouch!" said Sasuke as Hitsugaya was knocked unconscious

"Oh here's the 2,000 dollars I owe you." Said Naruto

"Thanks." Said Hitsugaya

"Hey Hinata can you come with me to the doctor?" said Tenten

"Why?" said Hinata

"I think I'm pregnant."

"Oooo I'm so planning the shower." Said Hinata

"Can we just go." Said Tenten

"Alright." Said Hinata

"Hello I'm doctor Orochimaru, how is your day so far?" He said in his pedophiliac like voice

"Okay." Said Tenten as she felt really scared

"Don't worry, he's on parole for only raping boys not girls." Said Hinata

"That's it I'm out of here!" said Tenten

"Well what now." Said Hinata

"Let's go to Tsunade's office." Said Tenten

"Oh we should buy some roses for Lee." Said Hinata

"Why?"

"Well apparently Garra broke Lee's Liver." Said Hinata

"How the fuck did that happen?"

"No one knows except for the fact that Lee and him got into a fight." Said Hinata

"Alright Tsunade I need your help." Said Tenten

"Can't you see I'm trying to be drunk and play Guitar Hero." Said Tsunade

"How are you playing while your drunk?" said Hinata

"Do I ask about your lesbian fantasies?" said Tsunade

"Why are you such a bitch." Said Tenten

"Why are you pregnant?" said Tsunade

"What how did you figure it out?" said Tenten

"Well my nipples get hard every time someone pregnant is around me."

"That's some messed up shit." Said Tenten

"Naruto actually playing Free Bird in a band once that's messed up." Said Hinata

"So Kiba your out of jail now." Said Naruto as he saw Kiba getting out of prison

"Hey Naruto, now where's my dirty girl Tenten."

"What the fuck did you say about her?" said Neji

"Man don't get me started on your non pupil ass." Said Kiba

"Listen buddy Tenten is my girlfriend!"

"Never mind that look at that sexy lady down the block with Shikamaru." Said Kiba

"That's just Temari." Said Naruto

"Just Temari, man she is hot." Said Kiba

"I think he got raped." Whispered Naruto to Neji

"Yo Temari why don't you come here and give me some love." Said Kiba

"Hey, fuck you!" said Temari

"Oh come on I'm just looking for the right girl in my life"

"Why not Ino." Said Shikamaru

"Well I guess she's not that bad looking."

"Wait no not that ugly bitch or, maybe when she gets some fucking plastic surgery?" said Temari

"No. She's pretty hot." Said Kiba

"Let me get my shotgun so I can kill myself" said Shikamaru

"Oh no you don't not until we have some fun tonight!" said Temari as she grabbed Shikamaru

"Alright I have five tickets to a football game who's coming?" said Hitsugaya

"Who is exposing their youth?" said Lee

"What the fuck does that mean?" said Sausuke

"He means what teams are playing." Said Neji

"I'm going." Said Kiba

"All right just don't butt rape anybody." Said Naruto

"The teams playing are the Sand Tigers, and Orochimaru and his little boys" said Hitsugaya

"For my own safety I'm not going." Said Lee

"I'll go." Said Sausuke

"You going Neji?" said Naruto

"No, I need to talk to Tenten."

"I'll go." Said Itachi

"What the fuck! When did you get here?" said Neji

"I heard about a football game and came in."

"That's five people let's go." Said Naruto

**Well that's it for episode 4, my longest yet. So of course remember to R&R and hopefully I'll have a new chapter soon. Bye for now **


	5. Episode 5: PeeWee Riot

**I told you I would have a new episode soon so here it is. Also R&R **

"Well guys here we are. The pee-wee football game." Said Hitsugaya

"Why the hell did you buy tickets to here?" said Kiba

"Because the moms are hot!"

"Listen buddy if I don't get my scotch by the end of this quarter your going to get it." Said Garra

"Wait a minute so not only is Garra coach of the team but he's an raging alcoholic?" said Kiba

"Guess so." Said Naruto

"Hey, are you kidding me! Offsides that's bull shit!" said Itachi

"You need to chill out Itachi." Said Naruto

"Go fuck yourself! Everybody knows that kids their age should know what offsides is!" said Itachi

"The fuck is your problem their only seven." Said a lady a couple of rows ahead

"Seven years old? Is that the best excuse you got I made people shit their pants when I was seven!" said Itachi

"He needs a life." Said Sasuke

"So Tenten when should I plan the baby shower." Said Hinata

"I'm not pregnant." Said Tenten

"What?"

"You see I went to Shizune and she tested me."

"Wow I had everything planned." Said Hinata

"Tenten we need to talk." Said Neji

"What's wrong." Said Tenten

"Well I've been thinking about it and I decided to forgive you." Said Neji

"Awww!" said Hinata

"Will you go away!" said Neji and Tenten

"How about a kiss." Said Tenten

"My pleasure." Said Neji as they started making out

"Wow look at them. I see a bra, there goes the pants, okay I'm gone!" said Hinata

"I wanna go home!" said a little boy who twisted his ankle

"Don't worry I'll take care of you." Said Orochimaru

"Get away you bastard!" said the boy's father as he punched Orochimaru

"You just made a powerful enemy."

"Hey you titty-fucker's can we continue the game!" said Itachi

"Will you stop cursing so much." Said that lady from before

"You know bitch I'm sick of you, Mangeckyo!" yelled Itachi

"AAAAA!" said the lady as she fell to the ground and had a violent seizure

"I never realized Itachi was so competitive." Said Naruto 

"Well I gotta go." Said Kiba

"Why?" said Naruto

"My parole officer says I can't be near riots."

"There is no riot." Said Hitsugaya

"Just call it a thug's intuition."

"Your not even a thug." Said Sasuke

"Hey you're the kid who fingers fell off playing Free Bird!" said some rockers

"You die now!" said Naruto as he punched them in the face

"(Riot that means free fill on a girls boobs awesome!)" said Jaraiya

"Stop the violence, how am I going to meet girls." Said Hitsugaya

30 min. later

"I am king of all riots!" said Naruto as he was on top a pile of bodies

"What the hell is your problem!" said Sasuke

"What did I do?" said Naruto

"Not only did you kill some seven year old kids, Itachi made ten people have massive seizures, and Hitsugaya slashed some people." Said Sasuke

"You forgot that Jaraiya and Tsunade started having freaky butt sex." Said Itachi

"I didn't want to know that!" said Sasuke

"Boy that was great." Said Neji as him and Tenten were lying in the same bed

"I know I feel great." Said Tenten

"The guys are back." Said Hinata

"Coming down." Said Neji

"Goddamn I got fucked up." Said Hitsugaya as he had a broken arm and leg

"At least you learned a lesson." Said Itachi who only had a shiner

"Well guys we all learned a lesson here. After you fight nothing makes you fell better than getting laid." Said Neji

"That's hilarious!" said Naruto

"You guys need to get a book." Said Hinata

"Oh please what I need is to get laid, and maybe you can help." Said Naruto to Hinata

"I guess I can help." Said Hinata as they went to her room

"Nice!" said Hitsugaya

"I'm going home." Said Sasuke

"Later guys." Said Itachi

"I'm going home to." Said Hitsugaya

"Do you hear something." Said Neji

"Yeah sounds like moaning." Said Tenten

"I won't ask if you don't" said Neji

"Deal." Said Tenten

**Well that's it for episode 5. Soon will be the season finale you won't want to miss so remember to R&R.**


	6. Episode 6: Valentines in Konoha

Well now that Mario Adventure is back it's time to update on Naruto as well. R&R

"Naruto." Said Neji

"Yes?"

"What was that moaning the other day?"

"Oh Hinata gave me your stash of girls gone wild!" said Naruto with a smirk

"Damn you Hinata!" yelled Neji

At Shikamaru's house

"Hey Shika, do you know what day it is." Said Temari as the two lie in his bed

"What?" said Shikamaru

"It's our one year anniversary since we started dating, how could you forget?" said Temari

"It's been a year everybody would forget by this time."

"Oh so your saying that our relationship is easily forgotten with you?" said Temari

"Maybe we shouldn't even be a couple." Said Temari

"Don't even say that." Said Shikamaru

"I'm getting my bags." Said Temari

"Temari come on it's Valentines Day." Said Shikamaru in a depressed tone

At the Ramen stand

"Hey Sai." Said Ino

"Hey Ino, what's wrong?" said Sai

"It's just that no one likes me." said Ino with a tear in her eye

"I like you." Said Sai

"Really."

"Really."

"Sai. Will you be my valentine?" said Ino

"Sure why not." Said Sai as the two cuddled up together

"Boy that scene makes me want to barf." Said Kiba

At Sakura's house

"Happy Valentines Day." said Sauske as the two cuddled on the couch

"Happy Valentines Day." Said Sakura

"Anybody home." Said Shikamaru

"What's up?" said Sasuke as he opened the door

"I need your help."

"Listen I told you not to ask girls about donkey shows."

"It's not that. How do you win a girl back?" Whispered Shikamaru

"Simple go up to them and play a love song."

"Really?"

Really."

Back at the ramen stand

"So you broke up with Shikamaru, On Valentines Day!" said Tenten

"He's saying that in one year everybody would forget their anniversary."

"That was harsh." said Hinata

"Temari." Said Shikamaru

"What do you want?"

"I love you, and I'm sorry about what I said."

"It's gonna take more than that for me to forgive you." Said Temari as she stormed off

"Damn!" said Shikamru

At the Konaha Mall

"Boy the author picked the right time to have Hitsugaya move huh." Said Naruto

"He didn't fit anyway." Said Sauske

"Shikamaru you need a new girlfriend." Said Kiba

"But she's the only one for me." said Shikamaru

"Fuck her man she already broke up with you." Naruto

"I guess your right."

"No your not giving up that easily, just follow my plan." Said Naruto

"I'm listening."

"Step: 1 classic do as I say plan."

"Alright I got ya." Said Shika as he went to were Temari was

"Hey Temari looking very nice today." Said Shikamaru as Naruto whispered it to him

"Thanks."

"You want to get some ice cream?"

"Naruto come out of the bush." Said Temari."

"Damn how did she see me?" said Naruto

"It's alright Naruto I got it from here. Sauske cue the music." Said Shikamaru

"Alright." Said Sauske as he played the tune for "You are not alone"

"You are not alone I'm still here with you, though we're far away. I'm still here to stay." Sang Shikamaru in his best singing voice

"Wow that was beautiful." Said Temari as the two started making out

"Why doesn't anyone sing to me?" said Naruto

"Bitch you don't deserve to be sung to." Said Kiba

"Nobody cares about my feelings." Said Naruto

"You want some Ice Cream Naruto?" said Hinata

"Sure, will you be my valentine and go on a date with me?"

"Sure."

**Well I know it's really late to do a valentines chapter but I thought, might as well. R&R please.**


	7. Episode 7: Crazy Fighting

Here is episode 7 At Shikamaru's house   
"Well I say that was quite a Valentines Day." Said Shikamaru 

"Yeah, I got to hear how crappy your singing is." Said Naruto

"Why am I here?" said Garra in a drunken rampage

"Listen buddy, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE BACK DOOR!" Yelled Shikamaru

"Why are you yelling at Garra." Said Temari

"Because he hauled his drunk ass into the house." Said Naruto

"And now here's Konoha's funniest video's with Kakashi!" said the Announcer in the T.V.

"Oh crap!" said Naruto

"Our next video consists of a couple who had a great valentines day!" said Kakashi

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That guy is so fucking hilarious!" Yelled Itachi

"Yep, yep yep, that's my spot, man you know how to relieve a man's stress." Said the guy on the video who happened to sound like Shikamaru

"Well we have practiced, silly." Said the girl who happened to sound like Temari

"Yeah momma." Said Kakashi as he was commenting on the video

"Wow I'd like to buy a ticket to that sexcapade!" Yelled Itachi

"Hey, hey no backseat commentating." Said Kakashi

"Ah that was great!" said Shikamaru in the video

"You were just as awesome." Said Temari in the video

"Who the hell sent this?" said Temari

"This video was sent to us by none other than Naruto Uzumaki!" said Kakashi

"You Fucking Bastard!" said Shikamaru as he started chocking the living daylights out of Naruto

"I'm sorry! I just wanted some money!" Yelled Naruto

"You turn me into the town slut for your own greed!" said Temari as she was stomping was stomping on Naruto's nuts

"We just saw the video!" said Neji and Tenten

"Wow Temari I knew you had nice assets after I took that picture I took of you in just a bra and panties watching T.V but man!" said Kiba

"You Bastard!" Yelled Shikamaru as he started chasing after Kiba

"Alright Naruto your going to pay for this." Said Temari

"How?" questioned Naruto

"Just watch."

In an arena

"Tonight in the main event, "Iron" Mike Tyson vs. Naruto Uzumaki!" said Sauske the announcer for the night

"Yes indeed my boyfriend is going to get his butt kicked by a crazy person." Said Hinata

Down in the ring

"In the red corner wearing an orange and black jump suit the man who is going to get his butt kicked, Naruto Uzumaki!" said the ring announcer

"Thanks a lot asshole!" said Naruto

"And in the blue corner, the man everybody except Hinata bet on. "Iron Mike Tyson!"

"Yeah I'm about to whip some Ninja ass!" 

"Oh Shit I sense an ass kicking coming!" said Sauske

"Begin!" said the ring announcer

"And here we go into the match!" said Sauske

"Come on Naruto stick and move!" said Hinata

"Oh please retard boy can't dodge to save his life!" said Itachi as usual

"You know Itachi why don't you come up here." Said Sauske

"Sure why not!"

"Damn that dude's getting his ass whipped!" said Jariyah

"Oh crap look at that right hook!" said Sauske

"So Hinata, since your boyfriend is going to die how about we go out tomorrow." Said Itachi

"No thanks!" said Hinata

"God Dammit Temari I said I was sorry!" said Naruto as blood was running down his head

"Come on Naruto at least punch him once!" said Sakura

"Oh there's a right and a left Naruto goes for the punch, and he gets mike right in the kisser!" said Sauske

"At least he got one punch." Said Itachi

"Alright now for my mega combo!" said Naruto

"Here we go Naruto going for the ransengan, wow! "Iron" with a punch to the face to end the match and a loss of a couple of teeth!" said Sauske

"Naruto!" said Hinata as she ran to the ring

"Hinata, I apologized. But they didn't listen." Said Naruto as he started picking up his teeth

"Well if that happened to us you would've done the same thing wouldn't you." Said Hinata

"I guess I would."

"Alright Naruto, you received enough punishment for today." Said Shikamaru as he helped Naruto up

"Thanks."

Back at the Hyuuga manor

"Well if there is one thing I've learned it's not to mess with Shikamaru, and Temari." Said Naruto

"Well I'm glad you learned your lesson." Said Hinata as she gave Naruto a kiss on the cheek

"Thanks!"

**Well that's it for now. Always remember to R&R**


	8. Episode 8: Comment Special

"And now what everyone has been waiting for, the comment special!" said Naruto

"Yep that's right we get to answer the questions you have sent us." Said Hinata

"Let's get started!" said Sakura

"Let's see here, first one is from Sally from New Mexico. Neji who do you hate most." Said Sauske as he was reading the question

"Well."

"I'm sorry to interrupt you Neji but I have to get this off of my chest. I hate Tim Magraw and 50 cent." Said Naruto

"Why?" said Hinata

"Well first of all Tim Magraw is just a terrible singer with no talent and whoever gave a record deal needs to die. While 50 cent needs to stop bitching and moaning about getting shot!"

"Wow! I hope we don't get in trouble for that one." Said Hinata

"Well we have a question for Garra but sadly he's in rehab." Said Neji

"Why does he do this?" said Temari

"Well here's another question from Luke, from New York, Where's Kankuro? He's my favorite character!" said Shikamaru reading the letter

"Hopefully if the director gets around to it he'll put him in next episode." Said Naruto

"Hey you know I wonder if any dead people will be in this show." Said Haku

"Yeah I know considering we died only in the anime and not in this fucked up show." Said Kimmimaro

"I knew this day would come." Said Naruto as he grabbed a chainsaw

"Yo man what the hell!" said Kimmimaro as he started backing up slowly

"Well let's get on to the next question from Gabrial of Wisconsion, Just what is the point of Itachi on the show.

"Well Itachi is on the show for comic relief, and hopefully soon we'll add more Akatsuki members." Said Sauske

"And our final question, from Christopher of Chicago, IL." Said Hinata

"This show sucks I'd rather watch Rave Master." Said Sauske reading the letter

"You know what I'm gonna say this right now, Rave Master sucks! It's gay and shall burn in hell!" said Neji

"Wow that was harsh." Said Sakura

"They had it coming." Said Naruto

"Well folks that's gonna do it for this episode. Goodnight!" said Sauske


	9. Episode 9: Boredom

Here is episode 9 to Naruto At the hyuga manor "Man I don't know about you guys but I'm bored." Said Naruto 

"Your not the only one." Said Shikamaru

"Is this where everyone is forced to hang out?" Said Neji

"Yeah, I really don't fell like getting nagged at by Temari."

"I have an Idea!" said Naruto

"Oh boy, what's your idea Naruto?" Said Neji

"You know that show, "Jackass?" said Naruto

"Yeah that show that warns people about not trying stunts at home." Said Shikamaru

"Well let's make our own version!"

"Sure let me get some more people!" Said Shikamaru

"Are you fucking serious?" Said Neji

"Hell yeah!" Said Naruto

"Oh shit." Said Neji

"Warning! All stunts on this show were done by professionals and should never be tried at home!" Said the random announcer guy

Outside of Kiba's house

"I can't believe you guys convinced me to tape this shit." Said Neji

"Well let's get started!" said Shikamaru

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki and I'm about to take a dump in Kiba's house." Said Naruto as he went inside

"Tenten is going to kill me." said Neji

"Man fuck her!" said Naurto as he dropped his pants and squatted

"I can't believe your actually about to take a dump in Kiba's house!" said Shikamaru

"Yep all done." Said Naruto as he pulled up his pants and left the building

"What smells like shit!" said Kiba

"This is hilarious!" said Shikamaru

"Who the fuck took a shit in my house!" Yelled Kiba

"I'm Naruto"

"I'm Shikamaru"

"And I'm Kimmimaro."

"We're about to hold a kissing contest!" said Naruto

"Alright so how this works is we have 1 hours to go around and make out with as many people as possible. If you lose the contest you have to drink two gallons of rotten milk." Said Kimmimaro

"Let's go!" said Shikamaru

Naruto's part

"Hi Hinata!" said Naruto as he kissed Hinata

"Hi Naruto?" said Hinata as she was very confused

"Hey Temari I need to talk to you."

"What Naruto?"

"I think you're awesome!" said Naruto as he started making out with Temari

"What the hell is your problem!" said Temari as she pushed Naruto away

"Nice!" said Naruto

Let's see what Shikamaru is up to

"Hey Sakura, how are you?" said Shikamaru seductively

"I'm pretty good." Said Sakura as she felt very creeped out

"Hey if you get any closer to my girlfriend I'll rip your balls off!" said Sasuke

"Sorry to disturb you."

What about Kimmimaro

"Thank god for fangirls!" said Kimmimaro as girls swarmed and kissed him

"All of these girls and only fifteen minutes left I win!"

Back to Naruto

"Alright that's all of the girls around my age." Said Naruto

"Hey bastard with the hell is going on!" said Sauske

"Me, Kimmimaro, and Shikamaru started a makeout contest."

"You know I'm about to fucking rip you're nuts off!" said Sauske

"Aaaaa!" Yelled Naruto as he ran as far as possible

The three guys meet up

"Alright Shikamaru, How did you do?" said Naruto

"I only got Temari." Said Shikamaru

"Well here's your two gallons." Said Kimmimaro

"I made out with all of the rookie nine girls, Temari, and Tenten." Said Naruto

"Here are your two gallons."

"Why?" said Naruto

"Because I made out with over 30 girls today."

"Son of a bitch!" said Naruto as he and Shikamaru started drinking the milk

"Watch it their about to start barfing." Said Kimmimaro to the camera

"Yeah right, I was raised on the dairy bitch!" said Naruto

"Urrrp!" Gagged Shikamaru as he started barfing back up the milk

"Ha! Look at this little bitch right here" said Naruto

"This is so damn horrible." Said Shikamaru as he finished the first gallon

"I'm going to have to take a killer shit after this." Said Naruto as he threw the first gallon on the ground

"Oh god, Urrrrp!" Gagged Shikamaru as he barfed again

"You are a fucking pussy!" said Kimmimaro

"Come on Shikamaru finish it!" said Neji

"Done! Urrrrp!" Gagged Shikamaru as he finished the second gallon and barfed again

"Alright I'm done! Now I need to take a shit!" said Naruto

At the T.V. studio

"Well Anko what do you think?" said Naruto

"Honestly, This is the biggest piece of bullshit I've ever seen. Please get the fuck out of my office." Said Anko

"Boy she needs to get laid big time." Said Naruto

Back at the Hyuga hangout

"Well guys this turned out to be a failure." Said Neji

"Yeah." Said Naruto

Knock, Knock, Knock

"Come in!" said Neji

"Where's Shikamaru?" said Temari as she zoomed inside

"He's in the bathroom." Said Tenten

"I heard my name." Said Shikamaru as he came down the stairs

"Shikamaru, I'm pregnant." Said Temari

**That's right she's having a little shika growing inside her. How will he take the news, what exactly will happen, why the hell does Wyoming look so much like Colorado? All questions will be answered next episode. (Except the one about Colorado and Wyoming.) I don't own Jackass.**


	10. episode:10 Ninjas with guns WTF!

Here is chapter 10 to Naruto, by the way if I never mentioned it. This is post time skip

At the Hyuga house

"Man I gotta tell you Hinata, This Pokemon game is really addicting." Said Naruto

"I see. Since you've been playing for twelve hours now!" said Hinata

"Come on Naruto get off the game." Said Neji

"I'll get off the fucking game when I feel like it!"

"Come on Naruto let's go mini-golfing." Said Sasuke

"Alright I love mini-golfing!" said Naruto

At the mini-golfing place

"Alright guys let's get this game started." Said Sasuke as him, Naruto, Neji, and Hinata headed to the first hole

"Oh crap the Akatsuki is here." Said Neji as he saw them on the third hole

"Hole in one!" said Hidan

"Bullshit! You probably used some kind of magic!" said Itachi

"For god's sake Itachi please don't cause a scene." Said Kisame

"Tobi's a good boy!" said Tobi as he started peeing in the little pool of water

"NO! Bad boy Tobi you do that in the toilet!" said Deidara as he started chocking Tobi

"Man those guys are nuts." Said Naruto

"Yeah I know." Said Sasuke

On the third hole

"Alright I need you to watch my back." Whispered Kakuzu to Hidan

"Why." Said Hidan

"Just watch, alright everybody put your hands up!" said Kakuzu

"Holy shit how did he get a gun." Said Sasuke

"I don't know but I'm calling ANBU!" Said Hinata

At the ANBU headquarters

"Guys we just got a call of armed robbery at the Mini-golf course" said an ANBU member

"Sai, we need you to get these guys." Said an ANBU member

"Alright, I'll see you later Ino." Said Sai

"Be careful!" said Ino

"How can he stand to make out with her?" said an ANBU

"If you notice all he does I fondle her breasts." Said another ANBU

Back at the mini-golf course

"If I don't get 50,000 ryo in the next 5 minutes this boy gets shot!" said Kakuzu

"Don't you shoot that boy!" said Sasuke

"Freeze bitch!" said Sai

"Holy hell!" said Naruto

"Oh look guys it's Sai!" said Sasuke

"Listen you better put the gun down or I cap your ass." Said Kakuzu

"Alright tough guy shoot me." said Sai

"Dude are you sure about that?" Said Sasuke

"I'm sure about all I do."

"Alright tough guy here's your bullet." Said Kakuzu as he fired his gun

"Holy shit he just shot me!" said Sai

"Alright now that this is all said and done, run away!" said Itachi as him and he akatsuki ran for their lives

"And now in a breaking news story here's Kakashi Hatake!" said a news announcer

"Thanks. In breaking news the akatsuki thought to have put their evil days behind are in trouble as they are on the run from the ANBU. With the road report here's Jiraya." Said Kakashi

"Alright what we have here is just chaos because this wild goose chase has caused a big pile up of ninjas all over the grounds of konoha so if your on your way to the hokage tower try to find a shortcut or you'll be stuck in this pile up." Said Jiraya

"Thanks Jiraya now back to the chase." Said Kakashi

"Alright Kakuzu end this now!" said Hidan

"Freeze bitch!" said Sai

"No you freeze bitch!" said Kakuzu as he pulled out an assault rifle

"Holy shit!" said Sai as he dropped his gun

"Now I want you to go in that store and buy me a slushie." Said Kakuzu

"And Skittles." Said Deidara

"Alright just don't hurt me." said Sai

"Chidori!" said Sasuke as he used his chidori like a taser on Kakuzu

"Holy shit!" said Itachi

"He just shocked Kakuzu!" said Tobi

"Cheese it!" said Kisame as they picked up Kakuzu and ran away

"No!" Said Deidara

"Why?" said Itachi

"Because I want some god damn skittles!" said Deidara

"Come on!" said Itachi

"Fine." Said an upset Deidara

"Wow Sasuke what made you do that." Said Naruto

"You see Naruto when birds go flying at the speed of sound to show you how it all began, if birds came flying from the underground if you were to see it then you'd understand." Said Sasuke

"That's just lyrics to some coldplay song." Said Neji

"You know what fuck you let's go back to your house." Said Sasuke

At Neji's house

"Sakura why is Deidara in my house?" said Neji

"Because he needs to stay here." Said Sakura

"WHY?!" said Neji

"Because it turns out if he doesn't have a daily bag of skittles he has a psychotic breakdown."

"So he had a break down and the akatsuki left him here?" Said Sasuke

"Yep." Said Sakura

"Yay another member to our club!" said Naruto

"Great." Said Neji

"Yay skittle party!" said Deidara

And there you have it. Episode 10 please R&R 3 episodes left till the season finale


	11. Episode 11: Ninja and a sack of weed

Man I haven't done anything in a really long time

Man I haven't done anything in a really long time. I apologize for not updating any of my stories in a long time. I had one of those instances where you have a lot of ideas in your head but you can't type them out. Now I can get them though to the computer. Anyway I leave the rest to Naruto.

"Man nothings happened in a while, I'm so bored!" yelled Naruto"Well make something happen." Said Neji who then turned on his I-pod

"Yeah your right Neji."

Knock, Knock, Knock

"What Naruto?" said Sasuke who was clearly angry about something

"Well I was going to ask could we do something stupid, but I see you're angry about something."

"Yeah Itachi's here and he won't stop complaining."

"Sasuke why the fuck do you have no ramen!" yelled Itachi

"Because you ate the last cup yesterday dumbshit!" said Sasuke

"Fuck you Uchiha!" yelled Itachi

"You want to come in?" said Sasuke

"Sure." Said Naruto

"Sasuke you need to tell Itachi to stop flirting with me!" said Sakura

"Come on I'm just asking to do her in the butt so it wouldn't count as her cheating on you!" said Itachi

"What the fuck it would count as her cheating on me!"

"No it wouldn't Sasuke because it's cheating if I do it vaginally because she would become pregnant!"

"What!" yelled Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke at the same time

"Where did you get that information from the retard gallery." Said Naruto

"No! Pein said it himself." Said Itachi

"Wait you mean the Pein I get my weed from Pein." Said Naruto

"Yeah!"

"Dude he was probably high." Said Naruto as he stated smoking a blunt

"When did you start smoking weed?" said Sakura

"Just now." Said Naruto as he breathed out smoke

"Anyway Itachi you need to quit being retarded." Said Sasuke

"Whatever."

"I'm heading out." Said Naruto

"I'm coming with you." Said Sasuke

"Man I swear this is the best feeling I've had in my life!" said Naruto

"You're scaring me dude."

"Sasuke, Sasuke I have this brilliant Idea!"

"What tard."

"Let's work at Ichiraku!"

"Why?"

"We can be like the people in clerks."

"I guess."

"I can't believe we actually got the job." Said Sasuke as he put on the Ichiraku uniform

"Hey guys what's up." Said Kimmimaro

"Sup bone boy." Said Naruto

"Don't call me bone boy." Said Kimmimaro

"Why?" said Naruto

"Because it's offensive you shit head!" said Ayame

"No it's not." Said Naruto

"Yeah it is. That's like saying the Sharingan is just a variation of pink eye." Said Saskue

"That's because it is." Said Naruto

"No it's not!" yelled Sasuke

"Yes it is in fact I'm surprised Sakura hasn't gotten infected yet."

"Naruto are you fucking retarded!" said Kimmimaro

"No but you might be Bone boy!"

"Naruto I swear to god! Sir I'm sorry here's some complimentary ramen." Said Ayame

"No I want to see Teiuchi because I might just kill Naruto here."

"I'd like to see you see you try bone boy, you can join in to pink eye Jim!"

"Naruto your fired." Said Ayame

"Well there's my stupid adventure for today, but I have to say that's the most fun I've had in a while!" said Naruto to him self as he started walking home

"See you later readers."


End file.
